Haiku Horoscopes2018-05-04T14:27:08+00:00

Haiku Horoscopes

I write humorous
horoscopes in haiku form:
Haiku Horoscopes

Also, on twitter,
@haikuhoroscopes will
tickle your fancy

Your Sign This Week

Aquarius

You worry too much:
That murderer just might want
To grab some pizza

Aries

It’s too soon to start
Making jokes about the death
Of Tutankhamen

Cancer

Your attraction to
That electromagnet will
Grow ever stronger

Capricorn

You need to take a
Long look at yourself and try
To recall your name

Gemini

Cheer up! After all
The alien parasite
Chose you—only you!

Leo

Raising that pig like
A boy who was raised by pigs
Accomplished little

Libra

Ashton Kutcher and
Charlie Sheen are two reasons
God doesn’t exist

Pisces

Surround yourself with
More good people and less starved
And vicious badgers

Scorpio

I’m not one of those
Naysayers that want to stop
You from suicide

Taurus

I foresee that Las
Vegas will be the start or
End of your problems

Virgo

Let your friends know that
You love them just as much as
You love hating them

Archives by Sign

Aquarius
Aries
Cancer
Capricorn
Gemini
Leo
Libra
Pisces
Sagittarius
Scorpio
Taurus
Virgo

About Our Practice

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