Haiku Horoscopes2018-05-04T14:27:08+00:00

Haiku Horoscopes

I write humorous
horoscopes in haiku form:
Haiku Horoscopes

Also, on twitter,
@haikuhoroscopes will
tickle your fancy

Your Sign This Week

Aquarius

The immortal words
Of the great poets exist
Just to get you laid

Aries

Two words that will make
It all make sense—just two words:
“Ancient Aliens”

Cancer

You will disappoint
All by chickening out when
Deep-fried in spices

Capricorn

The world just will not
Understand your avant-garde
Sandwich artistry

Gemini

Break the project up
Into smaller tasks: start with
“Sell soul to Devil”

Leo

In the history
Of art, your macaroni
Salad is the tops

Libra

Soon, a vampire will
Change your life when he spills some
Coffee on your shirt

Pisces

Your plan to exist
For an indefinite length
Of time: going well

Scorpio

Your science fiction
Epic about a future
Where phones are “smart”—smart

Taurus

Your nightmares will get
Much worse now that you stable
A ghostly night mare

Virgo

Thinking you might see
Titanic again? Might be
Going overboard…

Archives by Sign

Aquarius
Aries
Cancer
Capricorn
Gemini
Leo
Libra
Pisces
Sagittarius
Scorpio
Taurus
Virgo

About Our Practice

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