Haiku Horoscopes2018-05-04T14:27:08+00:00

Haiku Horoscopes

I write humorous
horoscopes in haiku form:
Haiku Horoscopes

Also, on twitter,
@haikuhoroscopes will
tickle your fancy

Your Sign This Week

Aquarius

Shakespeare said it best:
“Ignore dumb-ass people that
Claim I’m not Shakespeare”

Aries

Don’t get too worked up—
That brain parasite is just
Not that into you

Cancer

Please stop getting all
Philosophical about
Bottomless coffee

Capricorn

Whenever someone
Offers you “homemade milk” get
More information

Gemini

On your powerwalk
Be careful not to step in
Any time portals

Leo

Your methods of non-
Violent resistance won’t work
Well against zombies

Libra

Stay indoors and don’t
Let anybody in that
Doesn’t have pizza

Pisces

Your podcast about
The failure of your other
Podcast won’t succeed

Sagittarius

The briefcase does not
Fool anyone: we know that
Your job involves fries

Scorpio

The dark side of your
Personality is that
You prefer Pepsi

Taurus

Be thankful for all
That you have—it will just take
You fifteen seconds

Virgo

I’m going to go
On record saying do not
Make your safe word “more”

Archives by Sign

Aquarius
Aries
Cancer
Capricorn
Gemini
Leo
Libra
Pisces
Sagittarius
Scorpio
Taurus
Virgo

About Our Practice

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