Haiku Horoscopes2018-05-04T14:27:08+00:00

Haiku Horoscopes

I write humorous
horoscopes in haiku form:
Haiku Horoscopes

Also, on twitter,
@haikuhoroscopes will
tickle your fancy

Your Sign This Week

Aquarius

Eating a corn dog
This week will start exciting
Then end vomiting

Aries

You might as well throw
Out that mango if it can’t
Connect to the ’Net

Cancer

Your passport to the
Land of Guilt-Free Sex will soon
Expire forever

Capricorn

Although timely, your
Occupy My Crotch movement
Is not catching on

Gemini

Much hullabaloo
Will stem from your decision
To drink hot lava

Leo

Get more stylish with
A dead ostrich stapled to
A velveteen cape

Libra

Things will line up in
Your favour once you can get
That job drawing lines

Pisces

Anything goes in
Your quest to impress the one
That you love stalking

Sagittarius

It takes more muscles
To frown than smile, which means that
I am not lazy

Scorpio

Don’t work too hard to
Learn the truth about what took
Place that fateful night

Taurus

Poaching eggs is a
Simple recipe, and does
Not take master thieves

Virgo

They say you have a
Beautiful mind—remember
That “they” are zombies

Archives by Sign

Aquarius
Aries
Cancer
Capricorn
Gemini
Leo
Libra
Pisces
Sagittarius
Scorpio
Taurus
Virgo

About Our Practice

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