Haiku Horoscopes2018-05-04T14:27:08+00:00

Haiku Horoscopes

I write humorous
horoscopes in haiku form:
Haiku Horoscopes

Also, on twitter,
@haikuhoroscopes will
tickle your fancy

Your Sign This Week

Aquarius

Break time: curl up with
Hot cocoa, a good book, and
A dead elephant

Aries

Chuck Norris won’t read
You a bedtime story, but
He’ll put you to sleep

Cancer

Times sure change—seems like
Just yesterday that we were
Watching hairy porn

Capricorn

Impartial juries
Of your peers are one thing you
Should stay away from

Gemini

The worst thing that you
Could possibly do right now
Is tickle the wolf

Leo

You won’t be second
Fiddle after you murder
That smarmy fiddle

Libra

Breaking news: your bones
Will be broken, and so will
Your mirrors and mind

Pisces

That road runner may
Have eluded your traps, but
One day all must die

Sagittarius

Your application
For a grant to research some
Grant scammers: approved

Scorpio

Poetry will reach
New heights with your ode to the
Porn star Lotta Buttz

Taurus

Due to technical
Difficulties your future
Is cancelled this week

Virgo

Although bullies are
A real problem, first deal with
The murderous elves

Archives by Sign

Aquarius
Aries
Cancer
Capricorn
Gemini
Leo
Libra
Pisces
Sagittarius
Scorpio
Taurus
Virgo

About Our Practice

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