Haiku Horoscopes 2018-05-04T14:27:08+00:00

Haiku Horoscopes

I write humorous
horoscopes in haiku form:
Haiku Horoscopes

Also, on twitter,
@haikuhoroscopes will
tickle your fancy

Your Sign This Week

Aquarius

I don’t know how to
Tell you this, but your dog is
A double agent

Aries

If you want to fish
For catfish, don’t get attached
To these small kittens

Cancer

Screaming for Dollars
Sounds like a new game show but
It’s just your fortune

Capricorn

Before you can eat
Chicken a la king, you must
Declare fealty

Gemini

Nobody wants to
Be the one to tell you but
The rapture happened

Leo

You will go blind if
You keep staring at biker
James “The Sun” Murphy

Libra

You will get a bad
Diagnosis, the quite rare
“Head-falling-off” flu

Pisces

Speak only the truth—
Therefore, say nothing that you
Would normally say

Sagittarius

I did not mean to
Imply that Elvis still lived
In my basement suite

Scorpio

Don’t be cruel and don’t
Impersonate Elvis—he
Is not cool with it

Taurus

Give it the college
Try and fail while drinking from
A football helmet

Virgo

Treat yourself to a
Candy bar because you will
Soon lose your taste buds

Archives by Sign

Aquarius
Aries
Cancer
Capricorn
Gemini
Leo
Libra
Pisces
Sagittarius
Scorpio
Taurus
Virgo

About Our Practice

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