Haiku Horoscopes2018-05-04T14:27:08+00:00

Haiku Horoscopes

I write humorous
horoscopes in haiku form:
Haiku Horoscopes

Also, on twitter,
@haikuhoroscopes will
tickle your fancy

Your Sign This Week

Aquarius

You can always make
Cookies, but you can’t always
Make a monkey king

Aries

You already missed
The boat on building an ark
To escape the flood

Cancer

Your spirit may be
Willing, but your flesh is too
Weak to challenge wolves

Capricorn

Don’t close your eyes for
Even one second or I
SAID DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES!!!

Gemini

You’ll make more money
Waiting tables if you wear
Low expectations

Leo

You’ll earn the respect
Of many bears when you soak
Yourself in honey

Libra

Wars will rage unseen
In the hidden world ruled by
Penguin overlords

Pisces

Your priorities
Are so mixed up—at this point
Just alphabetize

Scorpio

Some calm, relaxing
Tea is the perfect way to
Unwind after death

Taurus

Terrifying, I
Know, but kittens made out of
Razor blades are here

Virgo

Anytime you feel
Like you aren’t accomplishing
Enough, trust that sense

Archives by Sign

Aquarius
Aries
Cancer
Capricorn
Gemini
Leo
Libra
Pisces
Sagittarius
Scorpio
Taurus
Virgo

About Our Practice

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