Haiku Horoscopes 2018-05-04T14:27:08+00:00

Haiku Horoscopes

I write humorous
horoscopes in haiku form:
Haiku Horoscopes

Also, on twitter,
@haikuhoroscopes will
tickle your fancy

Your Sign This Week

Aquarius

If you don’t get some
Coffee soon, you can’t praise the
Coffee god Klaxnor

Aries

You should not expect
Miracles, especially
Since you pray to bugs

Cancer

Poseidon, ruler
Of the sea, demands that you
Stop skinny dipping

Capricorn

Nothing like a good
Soup made from the leftovers
Of your enemies

Gemini

You will not regret
Your tattoo of Nick Cannon
Riding a dragon

Leo

They say you can’t teach
An old dog new tricks, but that
Dog learned to hate you

Libra

Lather strawberry
Jam on your skin and run out
Screaming “the horror!

Pisces

Don’t speak for a week
And notice the difference
In those around you

Sagittarius

That flock of vultures
Watching each of your movements
Are your biggest fans

Scorpio

The perfection of
The common pig is something
Few appreciate

Taurus

PB and jam is
Old news—now it’s all about
PB and sadness

Virgo

Anti-aging cream
Is the key to keeping your
Babies freaky-cute

Archives by Sign

Aquarius
Aries
Cancer
Capricorn
Gemini
Leo
Libra
Pisces
Sagittarius
Scorpio
Taurus
Virgo

About Our Practice

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