Fortified Castles (Vancouver: Talonbooks, 2014)

The book so nice I edited it twice! My favourite poem is dedicated to me!

Abstinence Vampires

The problem with rehearsing Shakespeare for reals
is the puritan bonbons caught in the margins.

There is clearly something wrong with boys,
at least, it’s tough how they act all panoramic.

Imagine Donna Reed as a reverse vampire
except for the missionary-style beatdowns.

There is an infection risk inherent in how we
sit so close to the industrial processing fluids.

It’s funny how the rape fantasy isn’t apparent
until the dancing unicorns get too intimate.

We were tired of the current set of tableaux
(Hollywood, dustbowl, etc.), so we planted trees.

Changing what might indicate an end-of-the-world
scenario is quite important in any new century.

Down here on Earth, we’re happy with teenage
boys and their immigrant solutions in GTA.

Reading smut is a clear gateway to a college education
since the best guys have a purity about them.

These househusbands are so fluffy and silly
for letting themselves become totes gay vampires.

Why do you keep looking at the transformer
towers hoping they’ll become steaming geysers?

Yay for one Tiger Beat fangirl who refuses
to divorce her rainbow-fast ejaculations.

Did you know that vampire blood can cure
any possible STDs, including syphilis?

It’s clearly a tattoo that represents how much
I respect and care for all woodland creatures.

I hope that these half-vampire Juno wannabes
remember to be someone else in their life.

More with Ryan on This Site

An interview with Ryan about us editing his book.

Two poems from Fortified Castles (McNally | Amazon) in various drafts, so you can compare the early versions with the later versions.

Ryan and I co-edited *Why Poetry Sucks: An Anthology of Humorous Experimental Canadian Poetry.

You can read the introductory essay for Why Poetry Sucks or read a negative review of the book that we also wrote (yes, a negative review of our own book written by us). Ryan also made a few comments as a follow-up in this short video.

Also, check out “Join the Wrinkle Resistance,” a great poem from Ryan’s first book, Fake Math (McNally | Amazon).

And of course, an interview from 2008 about the early stages of Ryan’s Fortified Castles project.

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