Bat Fight: A Gentleman’s Game
March 25, 2009
Does being completely obsessed with this video make me a bad person? Or the best person next to Will Ferrell?
Abstinence Vampires
March 21, 2009
I’ve been ranting and raving about how I don’t understand the recent teen vampire craze (seeing as how the “vampires” are so lame and figuratively toothless). So Ryan Fitzpatrick has written me this poem. Thanks Ryan!
ABSTINENCE VAMPIRES
for Jonathan Ball
Yay for one Tiger Beat fangirl who refuses
to divorce her rainbow-fast ejaculations.
There is clearly something wrong with boys,
at least, it’s tough how they act all panoramic.
The problem with rehearsing Shakespeare for
reals is the puritan bonbons in the margins.
Imagine Donna Reed as a reverse vampire
except for the missionary-style beatdowns.
It’s funny how the rape fantasy isn’t apparent
until the dancing unicorns get so intimate.
Down here on Earth, we’re glad that teenage
boys are assaulting each other in GTA.
Reading smut is a clear gateway to a college
education since the best guys are smutty.
These house-husbands are so fluffy and silly
for letting themselves be totes gay vampires.
I hope that these half-vampire Juno wannabes
remember to be someone else in their life.
BafterC
March 20, 2009
The new issue of BafterC arrived in the mail today, and I was surprised to see that it published three of my poems! I have a hazy memory of these being accepted, and no memory of submitting them. Three cheers for BafterC and forgotten poems!
How to Survive 2009
March 20, 2009
For the New Year, I wrote an article for Winnipeg’s Uptown (“How to Survive 2009″) that I just discovered has been making the rounds online. It was retitled by my editor as “Shoggoths: Do You Have Yours?” All the advice is still as relevant as it ever was, and if you are a fan of H. P. Lovecraft then it’s must-read.
Taking Things Too Literally
March 20, 2009
I know I am always behind the times on things like this, so forgive the “old news” aspect of this post, but I am now the biggest fan in the world of literal song lyrics to music videos. Check out the “Under the Bridge” cover.
As a side note, do you remember when music videos were on TV? And when people watched them? And when this video was, literally, the coolest thing ever? When you wanted purple lights to shine on you?
Pay the Writer
March 19, 2009
Harlan F-ing Ellison…. ’nuff said.
Just watched PONTYPOOL, be sure to check it out!
Someone Please Shoot Canada
March 17, 2009
The most depressing thing I have read for a long time.
*Update* So now he says he does believe in evolution. Which I suspect is just a political move, but what do I know? Nevertheless, there is something wrong in a country where an idiot chiropractor is made Minister of Science and Technology, instead of somebody who actually knows something about science. At least find somebody with a B.Sc. Or somebody who practices real medicine.
(P.S.: Don’t e-mail me or comment to say that chiropractors are “real” medical professionals.)
Hooray for BookThug!
March 11, 2009
Toronto’s BookThug, which is publishing my first poetry book (The Words of the Book, co-written with kevin mcpherson eckhoff), has just accepted my second, the experimental long poem Ex Machina. So I guess this solidifies my thug status, which means the next logical step is to embark upon a rap career, like Joaquin Phoenix. Started working on the beard today.
Site Updates
March 2, 2009
Updated the “Forthcoming” page to reflect recent publications and acceptances, including a forthcoming interview with Christian Bök in The Believer.
Going to update and get this whole site running this month, should be functioning 90% and simply awaiting a facelift before the end of March. My scholarships run out this spring so I’ll need to start doing more writing work, and this site is theoretically meant as my portfolio/presence. Maybe my grants will come through and I can put off freelancing a bit longer.
In any case, the site is going up fully this month. I’ll also be completing the first full draft of The Crow Murders, my novel/thesis, so it will be a busy month.
